Two of my classmates had an entirely frumptious wheeze.  People would get into groups of three, contribute 5 Euros to the kitty, and go forth to the Tuesday market, where we would endeavor to assemble the craziest, awesomest outfit we could put together.  One member of the group would don this outfit and “strut her stuff” as I believe the kids are calling it nowadays, and John Baan, the proprietor of our hotel, and whomever else we could gather up would judge the whole affair.  The judging would be very official, with points and scorecards and all that sort of thing.  The winners would get infinite praise and adulation and also drinks.  We are very motivated by beer, we are.

The three of us went to the market last afternoon, and most of our shopping process went about like this:

• Person picks up item of clothing.
• Other people look at it.
• Hmmms all around.
• “No, you know, I don’t think it’s heinous enough.”
• “Yeah, you’re right.  It needs too be more heinous.”
• Picks up something else heinouser.
• “YES!” (in chorus)

We ended up with:

• hot-pink hot pants with red embroidered hearts
• an aqua tube bra
• enormous orange spangly earrings
• three neon scrunchies (purple, yellow, and blue)
• a heinous green plaid pre-tied tie
• stripey footless stockings
• an enormous jeweled gold shiny hair grippy thingie
• a horrible floaty yellow gauze and red-satin-stuff shirt.

Before the show tonight I went up to A.H.’s room, where I put on all of it, in its horrible clashingness, and then got made up with purple eyeliner and hearts by my eyes and all kinds of shimmer stuff.  It was sad that none of us had any really horrible makeup.  I didn’t pack any at all, reasoning that I had no reason in particular to dress up and I didn’t want to take the space, and the other people in my group both just had, you know, tasteful stuff.  Stuff they actually wear.  Weirdos.

I was soundly defeated by the topiary tits.   Sad, but really, nobody stands a chance against a shrubbery.